I've been reading so much in the newspapers recently about Trump making U-turns or Theresa May. It's always written as a negative thing. It is something apparently to be avoided. It shows a lack of sincerity, a lack of conviction or commitment to a view or process. It is not something to be admired but something to be jeered at and scorned as a sign of bad character. It's certainly not something we should be encouraging in our kids. Or is it?
As you know, I deliver life skills courses and therapy as well as writing lots of books. One of the character traits I find most limiting in children is the belief that they are right and that whatever they're doing is OK and it's everyone else who should change. In other words they absolutely should not make a U-turn. So they continue to repeat the same behaviour, continue to find it hard to make friends, continue to be bullied, continue to be told off at school. They think it's everyone else who needs to change. Even though undeniably their behaviour is not making them happy, they're stuck in a rut and can't see any other alternatives.
Coming to therapy enables them to look at situations another way. They are invited to consider patterns that do work well for them and become curious about those that don't. We use their insatiable curiosity and imagination to experiment with other possibilities. We use Lego, clay, drawing, role play, music to generate ideas and we sometimes even play football. For a boy, balls really hit the spot so what better way for them to experiment with changing behaviour.
If you want to have a go yourself, put a waste paper basket on the floor and give your child some tennis balls. Ask them how many different ways they can think of to get the ball into the basket. Let's say they can find 6 different ways. Ask them what they've learned from the exercise. Then ask, can you think of 6 different ways to respond to x ? X being the bully in the playground, a subject they find difficult or being told off etc.
"The person with the most flexibility controls the system. " This is one of the NLP Beliefs of Excellence or Pre-suppositions. When Bandler and Grinder developed NLP they found that successful people were exceptionally flexible. That didn't mean that they just caved in under pressure, nor that they said they agreed with things they didn't agree with. It was about finding other ways to express themselves, other ways to get the outcome they wanted.
As you know, I deliver life skills courses and therapy as well as writing lots of books. One of the character traits I find most limiting in children is the belief that they are right and that whatever they're doing is OK and it's everyone else who should change. In other words they absolutely should not make a U-turn. So they continue to repeat the same behaviour, continue to find it hard to make friends, continue to be bullied, continue to be told off at school. They think it's everyone else who needs to change. Even though undeniably their behaviour is not making them happy, they're stuck in a rut and can't see any other alternatives.
Coming to therapy enables them to look at situations another way. They are invited to consider patterns that do work well for them and become curious about those that don't. We use their insatiable curiosity and imagination to experiment with other possibilities. We use Lego, clay, drawing, role play, music to generate ideas and we sometimes even play football. For a boy, balls really hit the spot so what better way for them to experiment with changing behaviour.
If you want to have a go yourself, put a waste paper basket on the floor and give your child some tennis balls. Ask them how many different ways they can think of to get the ball into the basket. Let's say they can find 6 different ways. Ask them what they've learned from the exercise. Then ask, can you think of 6 different ways to respond to x ? X being the bully in the playground, a subject they find difficult or being told off etc.
"The person with the most flexibility controls the system. " This is one of the NLP Beliefs of Excellence or Pre-suppositions. When Bandler and Grinder developed NLP they found that successful people were exceptionally flexible. That didn't mean that they just caved in under pressure, nor that they said they agreed with things they didn't agree with. It was about finding other ways to express themselves, other ways to get the outcome they wanted.
The beliefs we hold are what we hold to be true in the moment. As we discover more information through reading, discussion, experiment and by increased knowledge then we need to flex our beliefs to take on board the new knowledge.
So encourage your children to make U-turns, encourage them to think differently. Be supportive of changes of belief about their life. They are growing and learning and having the flexibility to adapt constantly will make them stronger and happier.
If you want to know more about beliefs of excellence or NLP take a look at my bookstore or get in touch.
So encourage your children to make U-turns, encourage them to think differently. Be supportive of changes of belief about their life. They are growing and learning and having the flexibility to adapt constantly will make them stronger and happier.
If you want to know more about beliefs of excellence or NLP take a look at my bookstore or get in touch.
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