Self-esteem is the extent to which you feel you are OK, a valuable person in your own right. It is a measure of the opinion you have of yourself in all respects; your physical appearance, how well you perform in your work and sport, whether you feel you are popular and get on with people you meet and how well things are going for you at home with your family. Only you are the judge of your self-esteem, no-one else can make it greater or smaller. When you lack self-esteem no amount of well-meaning flattery will change this feeling unless you believe it to be true for yourself.
Self-esteem is a feeling and it can change throughout the day, over the week, month and years. You may be someone who measures it visually by what you see and the images in your mind, what you say and how you say it or your inner voice or how you feel in yourself or what you do. However you measure it, self-esteem is not tangible, it is not a fact. You cannot weigh it or measure it and it cannot be proven yet it can affect your sense of well-being and your sense of who you are in the world.
You cannot measure anyone else’s self-esteem either in fact they may seem very successful and confident to you, yet may be feeling very different inside and have low self-esteem but be very experienced at hiding it from others.
Here are some of the feelings and thoughts you might experience when you feel low self-esteem.
" I can't do this. I'm useless."
"Everyone else is better than me."
"No-one seems to listen to what I say."
"Why do people keep criticising me?"
"I'm just a ............."
Here are some typical thoughts you may experience when you are feeling high self-esteem.
"My views are important, people listen when I speak."
"I get on pretty well with most people."
"When I make a mistake, I don't mind admitting it."
"I think it's important to be yourself."
"I'm OK with how I look."
Exercise 1
Here are some questions to ask yourself and think about. You might find it helpful to give yourself a score out of ten for each sentence so you can look at them after you’ve read the book to see how you have changed.
Q1. How well do you take criticism?
Q2. Do you feel valued by your colleagues or those you interact with daily?
Q3. How often do you say what you really think or do you just agree with the majority view?
Q4. Do you get what you want from your relationships?
Q5. Do you take it personally if someone doesn’t agree with you?
Q6. Are you envious of what others have and think they’re doing better than you?
Q7. Do you sometimes feel unloved?
Q8. Do you feel embarrassed about your appearance?
Q9. Do you sometimes feel like a victim?
Q10. Do you feel you’re not good enough?
Self-esteem is a feeling and it can change throughout the day, over the week, month and years. You may be someone who measures it visually by what you see and the images in your mind, what you say and how you say it or your inner voice or how you feel in yourself or what you do. However you measure it, self-esteem is not tangible, it is not a fact. You cannot weigh it or measure it and it cannot be proven yet it can affect your sense of well-being and your sense of who you are in the world.
You cannot measure anyone else’s self-esteem either in fact they may seem very successful and confident to you, yet may be feeling very different inside and have low self-esteem but be very experienced at hiding it from others.
Here are some of the feelings and thoughts you might experience when you feel low self-esteem.
" I can't do this. I'm useless."
"Everyone else is better than me."
"No-one seems to listen to what I say."
"Why do people keep criticising me?"
"I'm just a ............."
Here are some typical thoughts you may experience when you are feeling high self-esteem.
"My views are important, people listen when I speak."
"I get on pretty well with most people."
"When I make a mistake, I don't mind admitting it."
"I think it's important to be yourself."
"I'm OK with how I look."
Exercise 1
Here are some questions to ask yourself and think about. You might find it helpful to give yourself a score out of ten for each sentence so you can look at them after you’ve read the book to see how you have changed.
Q1. How well do you take criticism?
Q2. Do you feel valued by your colleagues or those you interact with daily?
Q3. How often do you say what you really think or do you just agree with the majority view?
Q4. Do you get what you want from your relationships?
Q5. Do you take it personally if someone doesn’t agree with you?
Q6. Are you envious of what others have and think they’re doing better than you?
Q7. Do you sometimes feel unloved?
Q8. Do you feel embarrassed about your appearance?
Q9. Do you sometimes feel like a victim?
Q10. Do you feel you’re not good enough?
This was taken from my book 'Self-Esteem Workbook'. If you'd like to receive the first chapter free, just sign up to my newsletter.
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