In this early years something happens that shocks us, we call it a UDIN.
U - unexpected, the event took us by surprise
D - dramatic, it was eventful, overpowering and overwhelming for our younger self
I - isolating, no-one to talk to
N - no strategy to deal with it
At that time, when that event happened, it was probably prompted by someone in authority such as a parent or teacher or guardian shouting at you or your territory being invaded (physically or emotionally) and because you were little, you felt isolated. You didn't have the cognitive skills to make sense of it so the feeling went into your subconscious, you had no strategy for making sense or meaning of it or finding a resolution.
Your subconscious made it mean something, perhaps
- I'm not good enough
- I don't matter any more
- I'm on my own here
- the world is a dangerous place
This is called a core belief because it then runs through you as a core is at the centre of an apple or like the core of your body. It affects everything you do and is always with you ready to be triggered when you experience that feeling again.
Two children can have an identical experience but for one it will be a UDIN and for the other it may not even be noticed. Similarly, the same event may imprint a negative core belief for one child and a positive one for another.
For example, two brothers I know experienced a UDIN when they were aged 1 and 2yrs old. The older brother made it mean 'I can't trust anyone, I can't look after myself' and the younger one made it mean 'I don't need anyone, I'm enough on my own'. It's possible of course that being younger, he was likely to feel more confident as he had an older brother looking out for him.
Once we have the core belief and when it was first imprinted (and it can even be in utero) we can reimprint a different, more resourceful belief. This is possible because your younger self didn't have full knowledge or understanding of the experience so your older self can help it to understand that everyone was just making the best decision they knew how to make with their own knowledge at the time.
Right now you may have some idea of what triggers you and hopefully having read this post, you will become more aware. Next time you get that deep negative feeling, instead of letting it take you over, say
"Ah that's interesting. What is the meaning I am making of this event?"
"When, earlier in my life did I have this experience ?"
You can then question it as your older, wiser self and ask
"Did it really mean that?"
"What other meaning could I now make of that?"
Sometimes it helps to imagine you are looking at the early event as if you're watching the action of a film. This keeps you a bit disassociated (and reduces the emotional content) so you can be curious and look at other options.
Find a new belief for that situation from your past and 'try it on for size'. Maybe the more resourceful belief is actually one you have in other areas of your life. Can you now find other examples of where that new belief might work well for you?
If you'd like help with this process, get in touch using the contact form. This is work that can be done over Skype or Zoom. Ask for a free initial 30 minute chat.