The reason for telling you this is for you to think (as I didn’t on that occasion!) about how different members of your family prefer to be told things. The other day my Mum told me she’d really annoyed my brother (easily done!) by saying “I assume you’ll be spending Christmas with Sarah in Wimbledon?” He asked her why she couldn’t simply ask him what he was doing for Christmas. Assumptions can come across as what we call ‘unclean’ in NLP terms because we are mind-reading which is slightly disrespectful.
Some of us like to see information, others like to hear it and others like to get involved, for example “shall we…..?” or “ what do you think of the idea of….”. Bear in mind these preferences especially as you plan activities over the Christmas holidays.
Intense family time can lead to fracas so to avoid it, think about what is important to you this Christmas as just focus on those things. If having the house really tidy isn’t that important but everyone getting along nicely is, then overlook minor transgressions and focus on what’s going well.
Then lastly, when you get it wrong, forgive yourself like I did. We can’t get it right all the time, and remember, neither can they. Learn from what goes well and do more of it. One of my clients told me yesterday that her hubbie likes to do the opposite of what she asks so if she says ‘ I don’t suppose you want to do the washing up, do you?” off he goes to do it whereas when she asks him to do it, he procrastinates and she ends up doing it herself.
Get to know what works!
……and do it again…..and again