I expect like me you are looking forward to having a happy family Christmas but you know that when you all get together things can get fraught. Expectations can be higher than is realistic with children picturing all the things they want under the tree and parents hoping for happy grateful and well -behaved children. If you have a blended family you will be hoping all goes to plan and there are no awkward moments or misunderstandings. If you have older relatives or the in-laws you want everything to go smoothly and for everyone to have a good time. Here are some tips for you to pin on your notice board as a reminder of where to put your attention.
1. Focus on what is going well.
Where you put your attention is what you get more of. Whether this is your kids, friends or relatives look out for moments of joy and relish them. Enjoy the happy moments and pause to reflect that you are a part of this rather than rushing off to do the next thing on the list.
2. Use the feedback sandwich
When we nag or criticize other people switch off and it becomes like wallpaper “Oh there’s mum having a moan again!” tell them
- what you’re pleased about
- what you’d like more of
- how well it’s going
End with a ‘yes tag’ such as “and I’m sure you can do that, can’t you?”
3. Tell them what you DO want
Why do we draw their attention to what we don’t want? “Don’t worry”, “Don’t’ shout” reinforce what they are doing so tell them what you do want instead.
4. Get rid of the word ‘try’
Show you have confidence that they can do it by just telling them to do it.
5. Be the behaviour you want.
Children follow your example so show them what you want from them. They learn compromise from us so if there’s an argument about what to watch on TV, demonstrate compromise.
6. Speak with authority.
The lower you pitch your voice and the slower you speak, the more in control and authoritative you will sound.
7. Encourage internal referencing.
Ask children what they think and if you need to contribute start with ‘and……..’ because a ‘but’ negates whatever they’ve just said.
8. Step into their shoes.
Children see things differently. Imagine you are in their shoes, would you really want to stop playing or watching TV to go shopping, eat or go to bed?
9. Be clear.
Children need to know exactly what to do and what they’ve done well. Simply telling them to ‘be good’ or ‘do as you’re told’ is vague. When giving feedback tell them precisely what they’ve done well so they can repeat it to get your attention again.
10. Delegate , Dump or Do
Delegate what you can, Do what you value and what you want and feel you need to do. Everything else can be dumped. After all, it is Christmas!
1. Focus on what is going well.
Where you put your attention is what you get more of. Whether this is your kids, friends or relatives look out for moments of joy and relish them. Enjoy the happy moments and pause to reflect that you are a part of this rather than rushing off to do the next thing on the list.
2. Use the feedback sandwich
When we nag or criticize other people switch off and it becomes like wallpaper “Oh there’s mum having a moan again!” tell them
- what you’re pleased about
- what you’d like more of
- how well it’s going
End with a ‘yes tag’ such as “and I’m sure you can do that, can’t you?”
3. Tell them what you DO want
Why do we draw their attention to what we don’t want? “Don’t worry”, “Don’t’ shout” reinforce what they are doing so tell them what you do want instead.
4. Get rid of the word ‘try’
Show you have confidence that they can do it by just telling them to do it.
5. Be the behaviour you want.
Children follow your example so show them what you want from them. They learn compromise from us so if there’s an argument about what to watch on TV, demonstrate compromise.
6. Speak with authority.
The lower you pitch your voice and the slower you speak, the more in control and authoritative you will sound.
7. Encourage internal referencing.
Ask children what they think and if you need to contribute start with ‘and……..’ because a ‘but’ negates whatever they’ve just said.
8. Step into their shoes.
Children see things differently. Imagine you are in their shoes, would you really want to stop playing or watching TV to go shopping, eat or go to bed?
9. Be clear.
Children need to know exactly what to do and what they’ve done well. Simply telling them to ‘be good’ or ‘do as you’re told’ is vague. When giving feedback tell them precisely what they’ve done well so they can repeat it to get your attention again.
10. Delegate , Dump or Do
Delegate what you can, Do what you value and what you want and feel you need to do. Everything else can be dumped. After all, it is Christmas!
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