It could be something like trying to thread a needle, work out how to use a new piece of software or how to express yourself in a difficult email. Maybe you're looking at competitive quotes for utilities or insurance? My hubbie has been doing that recently and I could hear him getting very annoyed at complicated it was.
My current struggle is with some writing software called Scrivener. No I know that plenty of writers use it, there are lots of helpful You Tube videos and a tutorial on the website but nevertheless I am struggling to work out how to create new documents and where to put the website links for research. My novel is set in Victorian England and I have lots of research resources I want to access easily.
I look at it, but in no time I want to give up.
This morning I was out cycling with one of my cycling group, Paul, and we were discussing electric bikes and the idea of my getting one in order to help me up some of the steeper hills. It occurred to me that this was a nice easy (if expensive) option.
But Paul said "You always seem to get up even the steepest hill" to which I replied "yes eventually". Then I thought about how I do this.
One of the NLP principles is that we have our model of success somewhere, we just need to find it because 'we already have all the resources we need'.
The thing to do is to look at the structure and break it into steps.
1. I go down to the lowest gear I have.
2. I focus on the road just in front of my front tyre - if I looked at the top of the hill I would probably give up! I need to take it in baby steps.
3. I maintain an even rhythm and listen to the sound of the tyres on the road or track, like it was music.
4. I might even make up a little song or rhyme to jolly myself along.
5. I notice how well I'm doing and imagine how great I'll feel when I get to the top and join my cycling pals.
6. I get there and have some water, enjoy the view and thing how amazing I am!
That's not me by the way! I wish!
So how can I take this model of success and apply it to understanding how Scrivener works?
Instead of giving up, deciding it's too complicated and feeling I'm hopeless, useless and incompetent, I could apply this model from cycling.
1. Set myself up into a slow gear.
2. Make a list of what I'm trying to do so it's clear in my mind.
2. Focus on one small task at a time.
3. Celebrate each new task completed
4. Imagine how great I'll feel when I feel I've got the files in some sort of order
5. Celebrate, a new skill learnt.
Use this approach.
Ask them where in their life have they overcome a challenge, learnt a new skill, persevered despite obstacles. What was the structure of their success in that situation?
Children are always learning new skills, like the boy in the image above, putting on socks for themselves, laces, doing long division, multiplying fractions, spelling three syllable words and so on. Right now they are struggling with changes in their schooling just as you have been struggling with home schooling or managing to share the house with a family with different needs who all feel fed up.
Once you believe you have the skills and just need to figure out where you have them, you have the answer.
Sometimes it will help to ask someone else who may have the answer. This in NLP terms is called modelling. We grab someone else's model and apply it for ourselves. Look around you. Perhaps someone in your family can help. Rather than asking them to do it for you, ask them to talk you through their structure. You need
a) all the steps
b) the belief that underpins them
Because - you won't succeed in doing this thing with your existing belief that
- it's complicated
- you can't do it
- you're not techie
As I know now!