Manifesting or Law of Attraction is all about wanting to draw to you what you want more of. 

It seems quite straight forward doesn't it. Ask the universe for what you want. 

Yet so many of us don't. 

Instead we worry about what might happen, expect the worst and experience anxiety as we dwell on what happened last time, fearing that the same thing will happen again. 

I work with a lot of clients who live in fear of what could happen. They are hyper vigilant like a meerkat on the look out constantly for what might be 'out there' ready to 'get them'. 

It could be a client who will not pay or be a 'no show', be difficult or over run. It could be a patient who will complain about their care or even attack them. Maybe the teacher will pick on them at school or someone will be mean to them in the playground. Your child will get a detention because you got in traffic. You won't get a parking space. You'll be late for your meeting. 

The list is endless isn't it? 

When we focus on our fears and our negative expectations, that's what we are visualising and what we focus on is what we get more of. Our brain is trying so hard to create that picture of what we don't want. 

What if instead we focus on what we DO want?

 When you catch yourself thinking about what you don't want, when you start to feel anxious, just STOP and ask yourself.

"Is this thought helpful?"

"Does this thought make me happy?"

"Will this thought have a positive outcome?"

And if the answer to any of these is 'no'. Ask yourself instead,

"What would a better thought be?"

​As you turn these unhelpful thoughts into helpful ones, positive outcomes, you will find that they actually do happen. Yes really! 

A lot of teens feel they are different, don't fit in. They want to fit in of course. They are seeking their 'tribe' but this takes time, perseverance and the confidence to know when they need to step away from those in their group with whom they don't feel comfortable. 

Many find themselves in codependent relationships, agreeing with a friend rather than risk losing them. This leaves them feeling like there's something wrong with them. They may fight the feeling and convince themselves that even though this person is treating them badly, it's what they deserve. 

Teens will voice this as anxiety and each of them experiences their anxiety differently but the pattern is actually often very similar when we look at the underlying belief. Here are the ones I encounter most often. 

"I'm not good enough" 

"I'm not important"

"They don't like me"

"I don't fit in"

"I'm different" 

"I'm wrong"

"It's my fault"

Here's a video I made for TikTok, I hope you're able to access it here. 

I have a channel on TikTok called @tappingforkids perhaps your teen would find it helpful

I know loads of youngsters have exams right now and will find it useful to have a tool to help them manage their anxiety. I recorded this video last year when the lockdown situation was also a worry but whatever the concerns, EFT Tapping will definitely help............and fast! 

I'm presenting a talk on EFT at the annual International NLP Conference tomorrow and have to own up to being pretty anxious myself. It is my first time presenting to my peers and this somehow makes it more scary! I shall definitely be doing some tapping myself. 

You can tap on any feeling you don't want and if you can't actually give it a name then you can just tap on "these feelings" or 'feeling bad" or whatever word they give it. You can even tap on "I don't know what I'm feeling" and you can tap silently if your child would prefer not to share what they're feeling. 

If you teach or assist in a school, consider tapping silently with the class. Here are the tapping points. We start at the top of the head and work down, continuing the process until they feel calm. You can see on the video above how to do it. 

​

My books give you a much more detailed description of both the process, variations for different issues and an explanation as to how it works. 

I think the best one for exam stress and anxiety is probably 'Empower your Kids! but if you're a teacher of coach, then 'Understanding children and teens' may be another good choice. 

I recorded a podcast on exam stress as well so this might also be helpful. 

Get in touch if you'd like to book a free 30 minute tapping session for your anxious teen. They don't have to use their camera or mic they only need to see me and mention in the chat the words that are coming up for them so I make sure the tapping addresses what they are feeling. 

These are just some of the many crystals I have in my therapy room. Children are drawn to the large crystals along the windowsill and around the room and they love to pick them up and talk about what the crystal make them think of. The different colours evoke emotions and memories, feelings they can't explain but nevertheless relate to. 

One of the exercises we might do is a crystal time line where they choose a crystal for their current school year, telling me what it is about that colour, shape, size, texture or markings, represents that school year. We then move down the school years and into nursery and even babyhood. One child even chose one for being in mummy's tummy. 

The essence is that no crystal is right or wrong, they are being intuitive, guessing and using their vast subconscious mind. Nothing is logical and that's fine because if logic would have solved what they were struggling with, then they wouldn't be seeing me. 

We look at the line and they notice patterns, and are able to draw out key events and aspects of that school year that they struggled with and I ask them to choose another crystal that represents how they might overcome that struggle. We may go on then to create some well-formed outcomes to work on in the next session. 

Another way of using crystals is to ask your child or client to choose a crystal that represents how they feel now at the beginning of the session. Then one that represents how they want to feel at the end of the session. Then ask them to place between the two crystals, a crystal that represents how they will get from the current stuck state to the free and empowered state. They can hold that crystal if they want to. 

This is Rose Quartz, the crystal that opens the heart chakra and it's often the crystal that teens already have and they may keep it under their pillow or in their bra or on their person to help them feel loved and loving, open hearted and kind. 

I like to give clients a small pink quartz to take home if they haven't got one already. 

Each chakra or energy centre in the body represents an emotion and connects to certain organs so I can check which one they need when I'm with them, using a pendulum. On zoom I can show them how to do that for themselves and also how to choose the crystal they need for healing. 

If your teen would like some help with this, or indeed if you would like your own crystal please get in touch as I offer a free 30 minute session and I can send you out the crystal if you like. Here's the link 
​
You'll also find lots of great ideas for working with children and teens in my recent book 'Understanding children and teens' you can find it in my bookshop.

This is the perfect course for you if you want to find ways to help your own children and those in your community and at the same time create a business where you'll truly make a difference. This course includes training in all the techniques I use in my practice ; NLP, EFT, Art Therapy, Mindfulness/Meditation. It is a certificated course with assignments. You must either have your own children and/or already work with children to qualify for training because you will be expected to practise the techniques as you learn them.

Three options for learning

Option 1 . Live training online/offline 1:1 flexible training days/times £995 (instalment option)

I personally feel that this is the best option if you have not done any recent (last few years) NLP Training or did your NLP Training online.
- we meet live on zoom or in person - bear in mind GMT Time Zone please!
- you will be invited to practise sessions throughout the course with other students, past and present so you can practise on each other (online if in-person not possible)
- you are joined into my student group where you can share ideas and read other students assignments
- I go through each module with you in real time
- we do the practical exercises together
- I can share real examples of each exercise, technique or activity - you can ask questions about the module as they arise
-you do an assignment for each module and get feedback
- you do a final assignment on. topic of your choice
- you get a certificate

Option 2 . Live group training online specific day/time each week £599 (instalment option)

NOTE - the course which started in February is only on Module 3 so if you sign up by the end of February I can deliver the early modules 1:1 and then you will be ready to join the group. 

The next group course starts March 2022

The course content is exactly as the live 1:1  but held at a specific day and time every week.

Option 3 . Self study £349

This is the perfect option for existing NLP Practitioners who have up to date NLP practical in person experience and who just want to learn how to apply everything to working with children.
- you download each module as you're ready
- you do the exercises yourself
-no certificate
- you can join demos, swap sessions and practice sessions with the main student group

COURSE OUTLINE

Welcome and brief intro to NLP, EFT, PTT and Clean Language - this is a free session you can do as a taster to see if you want to do the training. It is an opportunity to see if you like my training style and learn a bit about NLP and EFT so you know what it involves.

Module 1 - NLP beliefs of excellence
Module 2 - Compelling outcomes, skills and qualities, anchoring and Circle of Excellence
Module 3 - Overcoming limiting beliefs using Perceptual Positioning and Time Line
Module 4 – EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
Module 5 – Art Therapy and PTT (Picture Tapping Technique)
Module 6 - NLP Modelling process
Module 7 - VAK, Metaprogrammes, Deletions/Distortions/Generalisations
Module 8 - Mindfulness
Module 9 - The Drama Triangle
Module 10 - Inner child work

Email me for the full course details or to arrange a video chat about the course and its suitability to your needs.

How will it benefit you?
I think over these months of Lockdown and the Pandemic, Homeschooling and all the changes in our world, we have all been thinking hard about what is important to us. Money and education may not seem quite as important as kindness, community, positive mindset and good mental and physical health. We are having to make decisions for ourselves about our relationship, our career, where we want to live, how we want to educate our children and many other aspects of our life.

We’ve also spent more time with our family than usual and that has been a mixed blessing because we’re maybe realising that they need more support than we have been able to give them with all the usual hustle and bustle or our work/life balance, commuting and so on. I know many mums are looking for greater quality of life and wanting to do something to make a difference.

By training with me, you can be that difference with your own children and the children in your community. You can organise the work around your availability and how much you need to earn and the age group and issues you’re most interested in although I will cover all ages and issues on the training course.

How will it benefit your children or the children you care for?
There are a great many reasons why NLP works so well with children and young people.

1. Children are like sponges, they soak up new ideas and embrace change and choices.
2. They are open and ready to learn.
3. The NLP techniques and exercises are simple and easy to do so kids can use them at school, home, anywhere. NLP is positive, it is about focusing on what we do want not what we don’t want, focusing on when things are going well, modeling excellence, what we do well and the structure of excellence. We even teach that there’s no failure only feedback, how empowering is that for a child?! We do not prescribe, we give children choices and the more choices they have, the more flexibility and the more control they have in every situation.
4. Everything is possible with NLP the only thing stopping a child is the child itself so you will learn how to help them overcome their limiting beliefs.

You will learn lots of tools and techniques that will help children to:

• Find different choices and solutions to issues they face at school and at home
• Overcome limiting beliefs including those created in earlier childhood
• Boost their confidence and self-esteem
• Manage their anger and causes of it
• Manage their anxiety and causes of it
• Learn more effectively by boosting their concentration and focus
• Improve their communication skills and rapport
• Improve their physical performance
• Manage the feedback they get and turn it into learning

How will it benefit you as an existing NLP Practitioner, EFT Practitioner, Hypnotherapist, Coach? Although you already know all the principles of your therapy modality and how to use the tools and techniques with adults, it is very different working with children. I will teach you how to use NLP with parents, children, young people, teachers and carers. I’m often asked how it’s different working with children. Here are a few ways:
-The child has probably not requested the appointment.-
-They possibly don’t want to be there.
-They may not acknowledge that there’s a problem.
-It is probably someone else’s fault! They’re just fine!
-The ‘problem’ or ‘issue’ may not be theirs. It could well be the parents’.
-They know they have feelings, feel sad, confused, angry but they don’t want to talk about it or share the feelings.
-They don’t have the verbal skills to express what’s going on so we need to use play therapy, art, drumming, glove puppets, play doh and so on.
-Children automatically think the adult knows the answer so unlike an adult, they will say they don’t know quite a bit because they are scared to get things wrong. Therefore, it’s really important to be alongside them in a ‘not-knowing’ place.

Why should you train with me?

Here are a few testimonials from past students. ​

Claire Jones "Judy I can’t thank you enough for my one to one training. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t think of you with my coaching and everything you showed me that works so well for children. You are seriously inspirational and I thank you for sharing your wisdom so I am now able to help children. I was extremely lucky to have met you. Thank you, Claire Jones x"

Anya MacFarlane "Judy, when I first started on my NLP road and I attended one of your parenting chats I found you inspiring, informative, friendly and keen to help me by sharing all your knowledge. From a parenting chat you became my mentor and trainer . I am loving my new career and all the clients, friends, biz girls I have met and it is all thanks to you. You are a truly inspiring lady with a passion for helping others. Thank you" 🙏🏻❤️

Emma Hossack, one of my recent students on the NLP Kids Practitioner Skype course. ​I highly recommend this course, for a beginner or like me as a practitioner looking to specialise in young people. Thanks to Judy Bartkowiak and her course, I have had some tremendous breakthroughs with my clients and my own children. My sessions are fun, meaningful and really tailored to young people which makes this course very unique. Thanks Judy, I can't thank you enough !

I have been training NLP Practitioners in working with children and young people for over 10 years. I am certified as a trainer through ANLP and my courses are accredited to Sue Knight who trained me. I qualified as an EFT Trainer with Karl Dawson although I've been using EFT with almost every client daily for nearly 5 years.

Qualifications
NLP Practitioner – Sue Knight
NLP Master Practitioner – Sue Knight
NLP Trainers Training – Sue Knight
NLP Sports Practitioner – Jeremy Lazarus
EFT Practitioner Level 3 - Karl Dawson
Matrix Reimprinting - Karl Dawson
Matrix Birth Reimprinting - Sharon King
Matrix Past Life Reimprinting - Caroline Jane Dawson
PTT (Picture Tapping) - Philip Davies ​
EFT Trainer - Karl Dawson
Walking Therapy - Jonathan Hoban
Reiki Master - Debbie Lawrence

I am very available and love to mentor my students, we have whatsapp groups and a private facebook group, lots of face to face and online practice days and a supportive network of students, past and present.

When children or teens first come and see me, they feel stuck, like being in a cocoon. It's as if they know there is someone beautiful in there somewhere but whatever they're doing just isn't working for them in one part of their life. 

I can see this and trust that together we will work it out. I trust the process and I trust my skills and their desire to change. 

In our first session , we explore their world using a sand tray. It's a child-like approach designed to show them that there are no right or wrongs with me and that by going back to play and childish things, we can playfully explore their world. 

Using dinosaurs, moshi monsters, sea creatures and shells, they show me their family, school, home, friends and where they fit in. They can't be judged, I don't know any of these people so they are completely free to allow a dinosaur to represent a teacher, parent or sibling. I simply ask them to tell me about their world and each piece they've used to represent people in it. 

I then explain that we can use the time we have together to recreate it in the way they'd like. We can't change their external environment but we can change how they perceive it. Beliefs are not facts. 

They then recreate their world in the sand tray, removing dinosaurs perhaps and replacing them with maybe a dolphin or a moshi monster and they move pieces around, perhaps moving some people closer together. Again I ask them to describe this new world of theirs. We then talk about how they can make the changes needed. I describe some of the ways we might do that together. Then I talk to the parent about how many sessions to allow, usually 4 or 6, although sometimes we may come back together for a few more once the changes they've made in their lives have been implemented. I also factor in some sessions with mum and dad and sometimes a family session. 

Working with children is all about being creative, positive and trusting that solutions are there when we explore and when we believe in possibilities. 

I have a wealth of experience and knowledge of a great many techniques which I happily share with my students. If you think you might be interested in training with me, get in touch. I regularly run free sessions for you to learn more about the work I do. 

If you'd like to read more about it, check out my new books. 

I've been really busy this past year training in skills that I feel provide clients with a full range of support and Aroma Reiki has been very healing this last year for local stressed, anxious mums and teens. In the 90 minute session, I can balance your energy centres so that you feel calm and grounded. 

Have a look at the  Energy Healing page for more detail but essentially its a hands-on approach using essential oils and reiki to clear the energy pathways, settle the body down from any fight/flight/freeze responses and identify negative emotions before clearing them.

I've also done training (only the basic training, I'm not an expert) in #Meta Health which is the way we can understand the emotional messages from the body. Each part of the body connects to an emotion or issue and by understanding this and treating the emotion, we can make some headway with treating the pain. When we combine this approach with EFT Tapping (in which I AM an expert!) we take the healing one step further. I find that clients can totally relate to the meta health approach. 

For example, I was treating a teenage boy for his diarrhoea  which, from the meta health perspective is about  'something he just can't stomach' he immediately knew what that was and we were able to clear up the condition very quickly.

​I volunteer with FAST which offers free trauma  support to the NHS and Emergency Services. We have been given extra training for this and I've been learning such a lot from the books and talks of Dr Gabor Mate who is an expert in this field. 

I suppose you could say that NLP & EFT Kids has moved into more complex fields of therapy and this has been necessary to help the many many young people who have been unable to secure help through the usual channels such as CAMHS. 

Please pass on my details to anyone you feel might benefit from a free initial chat with me or any of my colleagues also trained in this work. I would also recommend this book for anyone who wants a deeper understanding of children and teens. 

​Summary of the training programmes I run

1. NLP & EFT Kids Practitioner The course you need in order to run your own business helping children and teensIt includes training  in all the techniques I use in my practice ; NLP, EFT, Art Therapy, Mindfulness/MeditationCertificated course with assignments. You must either have your own children and/or already work with children to qualify for training. You will be expected to get up to speed with NLP using my NLP Workbook before taking the course if you do not have an NLP qualification.

Two options for learning
I personally feel that this is the best option if you have not done any recent (last few years) NLP Training or did your NLP Training online.

a) Live £995
- we meet live on zoom or in person - bear in mind GMT Time Zone please! 
- you will be invited to practise sessions throughout the course with other students, past and present so you can practise on each other (online if in-person not possible)
- you are joined into my student group where you can share ideas and read other students assignments
- I go through each module with you in real time
- we do the practical exercises together
- I can share real examples of each exercise, technique or activity
- you can ask questions about the module as they arise
- you do an assignment for each module and get feedback 
- you do a final assignment on. topic of your choice
- you get a certificate

b) Self-study £349
This is the perfect option for existing NLP Practitioners who have up to date NLP practical in person experience and who just want to learn how to apply everything to working with children.
- you download each module as you're ready 
- you do the exercises yourself 
- no certificate
- you can pay to join demos, swap sessions and practice sessions with the main student group


COURSE OUTLINE
•Welcome and Intro
•Brief intro to NLP, EFT, PTT, Clean Language
•Module 1 - NLP beliefs of excellence
•Module 2 - Compelling outcomes, skills and qualities, anchoring and Circle of Excellence
•Module 3 - Overcoming limiting beliefs using Perceptual Positioning and Time Line
•Module 4 – EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
•Module 5 – Art Therapy and PTT  (Picture Tapping Technique)
•Module 6 - NLP Modelling process
•Module 7 - VAK, Metaprogrammes, Deletions/Distortions/Generalisations
•Module 8 - Mindfulness
•Module 9 -  The Drama Triangle
•Module 10 - Inner child work

Email me  for the full course details or to arrange a video chat about the course and its suitability to your needs. 

How will it benefit you?

I think over these months of Lockdown and the Pandemic, Homeschooling and all the changes in our world, we have all been thinking hard about what is important to us. Money and education may not seem quite as important as kindness, community, positive mindset and good mental and physical health.

We are having to make decisions for ourselves about our relationship, our career, where we want to live, how we want to educate our children and many other aspects of our life.

We’ve also spent more time with our family than usual and that has been a mixed blessing because we’re maybe realising that they need more support than we have been able to give them with all the usual hustle and bustle or our work/life balance, commuting and so on. I know many mums are looking for greater quality of life and wanting to do something to make a difference.

By training with me, you can be that difference with your own children and the children in your community. You can organise the work around your availability and how much you need to earn and the age group and issues you’re most interested in although I will cover all ages and issues on the training course.

How will it benefit your children or the children you care for?

There are a great many reasons why NLP works so well with children and young people.
Children are like sponges, they soak up new ideas and embrace change and choices.
They are open and ready to learn.
The NLP techniques and exercises are simple and easy to do so kids can use them at school, home, anywhere.
NLP is positive, it is about focusing on what we do want not what we don’t want, focusing on when things are going well, modeling excellence, what we do well and the structure of excellence.
We even teach that there’s no failure only feedback, how empowering is that for a child?!
We do not prescribe, we give children choices and the more choices they have, the more flexibility and the more control they have in every situation.
Everything is possible with NLP the only thing stopping a child is the child itself so you will learn how to help them overcome their limiting beliefs.

You will learn lots of tools and techniques that will help children to:  

• Find different choices and solutions to issues they face at school and at home
• Overcome limiting beliefs including those created in earlier childhood
• Boost their confidence and self-esteem
• Manage their anger and causes of it
• Manage their anxiety and causes of it
• Learn more effectively by boosting their concentration and focus
• Improve their communication skills and rapport
• Improve their physical performance
• Manage the feedback they get and turn it into learning 

How will it benefit you as an existing NLP Practitioner, EFT Practitioner, Hypnotherapist, Coach?

Although you already know all the principles of your therapy modality and how to use the tools and techniques with adults, it is very different working with children. I will teach you how to use NLP with parents, children, young people, teachers and carers.

I’m often asked how it’s different working with children. Here are a few ways:

The child has probably not requested the appointment.
They possibly don’t want to be there.
They may not acknowledge that there’s a problem.
It is probably someone else’s fault! They’re just fine!
The ‘problem’ or ‘issue’ may not be theirs. It could well be the parents’.
They know they have feelings, feel sad, confused, angry but they don’t want to talk about it or share the feelings.
They don’t have the verbal skills to express what’s going on so we need to use play therapy, art, drumming, glove puppets, play doh and so on.
Children automatically think the adult knows the answer so unlike an adult, they will say they don’t know quite a bit because they are scared to get things wrong. Therefore, it’s really important to be alongside them in a ‘not-knowing’ place.
​
Why should you train with me?

Read testimonials from past students.

​Claire Jones

"Judy I can’t thank you enough for my one to one training. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t think of you with my coaching and everything you showed me that works so well for children. You are seriously inspirational and I thank you for sharing your wisdom so I am now able to help children. I was extremely lucky to have met you. Thank you, Claire Jones x"

Anya MacFarlane

"Judy, when I first started on my NLP road and I attended one of your parenting chats I found you inspiring, informative, friendly and keen to help me by sharing all your knowledge. From a parenting chat you became my mentor and trainer . I am loving my new career and all the clients, friends, biz girls I have met and it is all thanks to you. You are a truly inspiring lady with a passion for helping others. Thank you" 🙏🏻❤️

Emma Hossack, one of my recent students on the NLP Kids Practitioner Skype course.
​I highly recommend this course, for a beginner or like me as a practitioner looking to specialise in young people. Thanks to Judy Bartkowiak and her course, I have had some tremendous breakthroughs with my clients and my own children. My sessions are fun, meaningful and really tailored to young people which makes this course very unique. Thanks Judy, I can't thank you enough !

I have been training NLP Practitioners in working with children and young people for over 10 years. I am certified as a trainer through ANLP and my courses are accredited to Sue Knight who trained me.

I qualified as an EFT Trainer with Karl Dawson although I've been using EFT with almost every client daily for nearly 3 years. 
​
 -​Qualifications

NLP Practitioner – Sue Knight
NLP Master Practitioner – Sue Knight
NLP Trainers Training – Sue Knight
NLP Sports Practitioner – Jeremy Lazarus
EFT Practitioner Level 3 - Karl Dawson
Matrix Reimprinting - Karl Dawson
Matrix Birth Reimprinting  - Sharon King
Matrix Past Life Reimprinting - Caroline Jane Dawson
PTT (Picture Tapping)  - Philip Davies
​EFT Trainer - Karl Dawson
Walking Therapy - Jonathan Hoban

We still have some weeks left of the school holidays and those of you with children going to secondary school in September will be aware that more and more, they are expected to take responsibility for their own property, homework and their behaviour. Each new school year brings new challenges and they need to step up a little bit more each term. 

Maybe you have children making decisions about subject choices, University or College, jobs or apprenticeships. 

As parents we want to help them, advise and organise so that we give them all the support they need. But, just check that you aren't taking over and doing too much for them such that they feel you don't trust them to organise their own life. 

When we do that, what we're saying is that we don't trust them to do it 'properly' or that they might make the 'wrong' decision, one that they might regret. It is important to give them the trust that they know best and can make important decisions for themselves. 

'The map is not the territory,' this is one of the NLP Presuppositions which means that our teen and indeed our child is really the only person who knows their own environment and experiences it first-hand. They are therefore in a good position to judge the best course of action so at least ask them what they think they should do rather than deciding for yourself. 

In my experience as a coach, children often don't tell parents when things are difficult because they don't want them to take action and draw attention to them. They want to try and sort it out for themselves. This is to their credit and builds confidence even if they make a few mistakes along the way, they get some learning as well. 

In the videos below, you will see me first talking about the Drama Triangle so you understand what I'm saying. Then the second one is a tapping script for those of you who find it difficult to step back from fixing things! 

Life as a pre-schooler can be confusing and frustrating. As little people they are programmed to be demanding, they need to have their needs met for survival. After all, they can't feed themselves nor put themselves to bed. They get tired and hungry, and sometimes they know they're not happy but they don't know what they want. How difficult then for parents to work it out. 

Here are a few ideas to try. 

1. If you were doing this, what would be the reason? 
Your child is from you, they have watched and modelled you since they were able to do so. They have learnt from you how to express their emotions so although physically you may not do the same things as them, their version of your response will be child-like but still discernible as an emotion you express too. When we guess we use our intuition and that is most likely to be correct. 

2.  Sometimes small children find it easier to project their feelings onto their teddy bear or cuddly, or their pet. 

Ask your child what's wrong with their teddy or pet. They will transfer onto them, their own feelings. 

k your child what's wrong with their teddy or pet. They will transfer onto them, their own feelings. 

3. The fastest way to change a child's state or mood is to get them to change their breathing. Here are a few ways to do that. 

- take a deep breath yourself and then breathe calmly and deeply to encourage them to be calm
- put some music on that will create a calm and happy mood
- dance, sing, laugh
- hold them tight so they feel safe and secure, and loved - that can sometimes feel counter-intuitive especially if they seem angry but the flip side of anger is sadness and I used to find it very effective as a way to calm my son down. At first he would struggle and try to fight me off but we're talking small children here. You are stronger than them. Just hold them in a loving embrace so they feel safe and they will relax into you and settle down. 

I am just finalising an ebook for pre-school parents and would really appreciate some parents to read through my first draft and give me some feedback. Please get in touch if you'd be willing to do that.